With my recent realization that I may be forever single and that I really at almost 40 have no friends... I thought hey.. why not try writing out your feelings instead of yelling at your kids. So this is my newest project.
So to sum up my last few days and a little background... I was supposed to go camping labor day weekend with my ex (i'll explain in a bit), my two kids and two of their friends. Back to my ex... we broke up last January because I live in Illinois and he lives in Michigan. I refused to move to Michigan, he refused to move to Illinois. About a week ago I found out my grandma''s old house that I love was for sale and my cousin may buy it. If she buys it, I can rent it and move to Michigan. I would be up north near traverse City and my Dad.. I would be living in a house I love in a great safe town for my kids...AND... I would be in Michigan, so my ex would finally be happy cause I would be in Michigan where he wants us to be, the house has a big garage which he needs, and he loves Northern Michigan.... Well guess I was wrong that wasn't good enough for him.. too far north, it is in town, he hates Traverse City, he wouldnt be living in the same town as HIS family.. ya know, Fuck my family and the fact that I have not seen my dad more than twice a year in the last 15 years and I have wanted this house since my aunt sold it 20+ years ago... but hey whatever...
So after a long fight in which he basically said he would be miserable there and would not move their he made the plea that we could live anywhere from Detroit to Toledo and Jackson to Kalamazoo... I went to sleep plotting his death.
I woke up in a more generous mood and said fine.. essentially I would live where he wanted me too (meaning Detroit to Toledo Jackson to k-zoo) but I wanted a 4 bedroom house so I could continue to do foster care and I would not move into his tiny little house. I would give up my life here in Illinois.. I would give up the kids I care about here.. I would pack my kids up and move them to Michigan against their wishes and I would do this while giving up living near my dad and the opportunity to live in my grandma's house that I had always wanted but never thought I would have. He was like cool, ill start looking.. no appreciation at all for what I was giving up, but hey, I'm just a woman, who cares what I am giving up. I was determined to deal with the fact that we needed to stay close to his work, not to try to get him to transfer anywhere because that can be difficult. I get that.
So a while later I had been looking at the map and researching schools and towns and I found a town within the parameters that I was given.. it was on the east coast of Michigan right between Detroit and Toledo..AND there was actually some diversity to the school which is important as I have an African American son and all the school districts he was looking at had either 0 or 1 %AA population.. not cool. So I text him to look in Monroe. I found a bunch of great houses the right size in the right price range. His response...
wait you will want to sit down ladies and put away any weapons... him " Monroe is about the same distance to work as it is from here, but not that huge of a deal, I guess." wait what? Me: "So its not a huge deal if you have to drive the same distance you are now.. But it kinda is... But its okay if your driving that distance from Jackson?" Okay? Him "Just if I were to move, getting some of that commute time back to be useful time again would be nice" Oh Fuck it is on... Seriously mother fucker? I am willing to give up EVERYTHING.. and you are whining about having to drive the same distance to work as you are driving now? as you have been driving, and have planned on continuing to drive?
So needless to say I decided that compromising for a man just was not working for me... So it seems that I will not be camping this weekend. But at least I now know that I do not have to try to plan my life around trying to make some man happy... and while I am pissed at his selfishness.. I feel so flippen free.
So to sum up my last few days and a little background... I was supposed to go camping labor day weekend with my ex (i'll explain in a bit), my two kids and two of their friends. Back to my ex... we broke up last January because I live in Illinois and he lives in Michigan. I refused to move to Michigan, he refused to move to Illinois. About a week ago I found out my grandma''s old house that I love was for sale and my cousin may buy it. If she buys it, I can rent it and move to Michigan. I would be up north near traverse City and my Dad.. I would be living in a house I love in a great safe town for my kids...AND... I would be in Michigan, so my ex would finally be happy cause I would be in Michigan where he wants us to be, the house has a big garage which he needs, and he loves Northern Michigan.... Well guess I was wrong that wasn't good enough for him.. too far north, it is in town, he hates Traverse City, he wouldnt be living in the same town as HIS family.. ya know, Fuck my family and the fact that I have not seen my dad more than twice a year in the last 15 years and I have wanted this house since my aunt sold it 20+ years ago... but hey whatever...
So after a long fight in which he basically said he would be miserable there and would not move their he made the plea that we could live anywhere from Detroit to Toledo and Jackson to Kalamazoo... I went to sleep plotting his death.
I woke up in a more generous mood and said fine.. essentially I would live where he wanted me too (meaning Detroit to Toledo Jackson to k-zoo) but I wanted a 4 bedroom house so I could continue to do foster care and I would not move into his tiny little house. I would give up my life here in Illinois.. I would give up the kids I care about here.. I would pack my kids up and move them to Michigan against their wishes and I would do this while giving up living near my dad and the opportunity to live in my grandma's house that I had always wanted but never thought I would have. He was like cool, ill start looking.. no appreciation at all for what I was giving up, but hey, I'm just a woman, who cares what I am giving up. I was determined to deal with the fact that we needed to stay close to his work, not to try to get him to transfer anywhere because that can be difficult. I get that.
So a while later I had been looking at the map and researching schools and towns and I found a town within the parameters that I was given.. it was on the east coast of Michigan right between Detroit and Toledo..AND there was actually some diversity to the school which is important as I have an African American son and all the school districts he was looking at had either 0 or 1 %AA population.. not cool. So I text him to look in Monroe. I found a bunch of great houses the right size in the right price range. His response...
wait you will want to sit down ladies and put away any weapons... him " Monroe is about the same distance to work as it is from here, but not that huge of a deal, I guess." wait what? Me: "So its not a huge deal if you have to drive the same distance you are now.. But it kinda is... But its okay if your driving that distance from Jackson?" Okay? Him "Just if I were to move, getting some of that commute time back to be useful time again would be nice" Oh Fuck it is on... Seriously mother fucker? I am willing to give up EVERYTHING.. and you are whining about having to drive the same distance to work as you are driving now? as you have been driving, and have planned on continuing to drive?
So needless to say I decided that compromising for a man just was not working for me... So it seems that I will not be camping this weekend. But at least I now know that I do not have to try to plan my life around trying to make some man happy... and while I am pissed at his selfishness.. I feel so flippen free.
Diane Wheeler
Diane Wheeler
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